The blackness is wrapping around me
The pressure on my chest
The sadness in my soul
The darkness seeping inside me
Slowly consuming me
The pain in my head and inside my very soul
It lurks…
Just waiting to engulf me.
Not just for me,but for friends too
Two lovely friends are facing tough times
And there is nothing I can do to help
One has a sick child
A chronically ill child
And doctors are making their life esp stressful right now.
Another friend,whose H walked out on her
Is having health probs and difficulties making ends meet.
My heart breaks for both of them
And yet there is nothing I can do
Except offer cyber hand holding
Which is actually useless.
I want to crawl into the hole and rock and let go
All my fears of the withdrawal,which after some research,is not going to be pretty
In fact is going to be very tough.
I hate being ill.
I hate that my body betrays me.
I hate that in my dreams I am well and doing * normal* things
I hate that my children know way too much abut depression and arthritis and migraines
I hate that when plans get cancelled because of me being ill,my girls accept it without a murmur.
I hate the pain I live with daily
Both mentally and physically
I hate it!
There are times when I just want to give in
Slip beneath the surface and just surrender.
To drift away
And never worry again.
It’s so tempting
It would be so easy
But I can’t.
Couldn’t do it to my girls.
So I sit here,
In the darkness.